When one looks up the term "Grouch" on Muppet Wiki (oh yes, there is such a thing), one will find that "grouches are an eccentric race of pessimistic, argumentative, unhygenic furry creatures who prefer to live wherever there is garbage: trash cans, city dumps, even the occasional landfill." I had absolutely no idea that I was living with a member of this previously mythical,TV-land tribe! Let's run through that definition and compare Charlie and Grouches side by side:
1)Pessimistic. Oh, how that doesn't even begin to cover things. Daily, I get the "I just can't do it anymore" speech, and sometimes, when Charlie gets his drink on, I get the nightime weepies about how awful his life is. I don't think even The Count could rattle off how many times a day I hear frustrated sighs and grunts coming from the other side of the room.
2)Argumentative. Now, when you think of a good, dynamic Muppet team, you think Bert and Ernie. Imagine if Bert had been cloned, and said clone was his roommate in college. How do you think they would get along? I have no problems with being an assertive guy. I'm a New Yorker, it's in my blood. But I thought those MidWesterners were supposed to be kind and friendly. I swear, it's like I'm living with Donald Duck. The muttered complaints and muffled remarks remind me of the blubbering, stuttering of the great Disney Duck.
3)Unhygenic. That's putting it super lightly. He's the Pigpen to my Linus. He doesn't mind leaving some throw up on the floor, because the maid (read: me) will take care of it in the morning. Little did I know, I have my mom's Martha Stewart like obsession with things being clean. I was so used to it at home, that it floored me the first time I found a condom (not used or anything! His girlfriend doesn't even go here!) under my bed. "What would Mom do?" I found myself thinking as I Fabrezed the bejesus out of the floor. And the stench! No, he doesn't ever do laundry. Ever. And guess what that means? It means that rotting pile of laundry develops an infuriating stench. Gross. I can only spend so much money on AirWick products before I go broke.
As for furry? Does it count if he never shaves?
Hopefully in the near future, Charlie the Grouch will go the way of the Cookie Monster when they swapped in the "Veggie Monster." Only this time, I'm hoping for Grover.
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